Put your dinner guests to work sautéing, whisking, chopping, and chatting. Then watch the fun and friendships grow.

By Colleen Dunn Bates

"Working with food often leads to reminiscing, which helps build relationships," says Jerald Jellison, Ph.D., professor of social psychology at the University of Southern California. "In the kitchen you'll reveal things you might not otherwise."

That could be because, to lots of folks, the kitchen isn't simply another room in the house – it's a warm, nurturing place that encourages relaxed and intimate conversation. It also provides a level playing field where everyone can contribute, regardless of his or her culinary skills, in a non-threatening way. Working toward a shared goal – the meal – can take much of the awkwardness out of a potentially intimidating situation, such as a date or a first social visit with a coworker.

The proliferation of convenience foods, microwaves, and takeout options has made it easier to get dinner on the table without much preparation. For many people, cooking has become a way to unwind, a hobby. In that sense, when you ask a friend or family member to help get dinner on the table, you're sharing something that gives you pleasure, not trying to shirk responsibility.

Plan. Diane Veale Jones and her husband, Ken, are part of a bimonthly cooking group of college professors and their spouses in Minnesota. She credits their planning system for the group's success. And longevity – they've been at it 25 years. "The host couple and the couple hosting the next meal plan the menu, choose the recipes, and organize the duties," she says. "And we follow the recipes exactly, even if they sound strange, so the group doesn't get confused."

Keep the menu simple. Realize that socializing and limited experience levels will make prep time longer than you might expect. Join the team. "Forget your typical role as a leader or a follower, a child or a parent," says St. John's University psychology professor Aubrey Immelman. In particular, resist the urge to dominate or control. "In the kitchen, you're all on equal footing."

Clearly define tasks. "That may sound too rigid, but that's how you manage conflict in the kitchen," says Gabriel Pereira, director of continuing education at the Culinary Institute of America. Having a lead person helps provide direction, he says, recommending the assembly-line approach, in which a pair works together on a dish instead of each person working separately. Balance the duties. "It's boring to do nothing but peel vegetables," Pereira says. Make sure the person peeling potatoes also has something fun to do, such as helping decorate the cake.

Focus on fun. Mistakes are bound to happen, so don't take them seriously. So what if the souffle falls? In this case, the process is more important than the result. You can always call the pizza guy in a true emergency.

Evolve. Fold communal cooking into your social calendar. After that first dinner party, try inviting friends over for a Sunday afternoon bread baking session. Help your child's class prepare a special lunch. Cook the next family feast together. If you're a gardener, have guests help harvest herbs and vegetables for the meal.

Keep it going. With careful planning and a healthy sense of humor, you can use the social quality of cooking to deepen bonds with friends and family. You might even start a tradition yourself. When Diane Jones' cooking club in Minnesota collaborated on its first French meal in 1974, little did the assembled friends know that 25 years later, they'd still be kitchen comrades, researching recipes from Pakistan and Scandinavia. "We've had such great fun," Jones says. "We've been all around the world together – at least at the table."